Dan Lambton of Real Friends at Chain Reaction in Anaheim, CA. October 19th, 2013.
© Photo by Nicole Busch.

I can’t sleep anymore, at least not well. I can’t remember when I had a full night of sleep, or at least more than two hours of good sleep, where I didn’t wake up every five minutes. And I’m sad again, and I can feel it everywhere. I’m sad about everything. When I wake up, when I’m in the car, when I’m playing the piano, and also when I go to History and English. I’m most sad during lunch. I’m just not happy. And I can’t help it. And it’s probably time to call my dad.
Everything feels like it’s falling apart, and I can’t do anything to stop it. I don’t want to be sad anymore but I can’t help it. I don’t get excited over anything anymore.
Life wasn’t supposed to be like this. I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I’m not myself anymore. I haven’t been myself in a long, long time.


Felix Gonzalez-TorresUntitled (Perfect Lovers) 1991. Clocks, paint on wall.
Untitled (Perfect Lovers) consists of two clocks, which start in synchronisation, and slowly, inevitably fall out of time due to the failure of the batteries and the nature of the mechanism. In a moving comment on his personal experiences, the piece refers to Gonzalez-Torres’ HIV positive partner Ross Laycock, and his slow decline and inevitable death due to AIDS. The clocks act as two mechanical heartbeats; representative of two lives destined to fall out of sync, and holds a poignant poetry about personal loss and the temporal nature of life.
“Don’t be afraid of the clocks, they are our time, time has been so generous to us…We conquered fate by meeting at a certain time in a certain space…we are synchronized, now forever. I love you.”

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“It went from butterflies fluttering in my stomach to bees stinging in my heart.”